*originally posted 4/15/2011
As my husband, Dennis, and I blissfully approach our 14th wedding anniversary, several friends have asked us, “What’s your secret to a happy marriage?” I always answer jokingly, “His & Her sinks and a great sense of humor!” My quick-witted partner responds, “Me.” (See sense of humor remark.) The truth is there is no secret as to how to have a happy marriage and family-life. The answer is simple. Love.
Though we will have been married for 14 years, we’ve been “together” for 16. We have also been best friends since we met in Mrs. Ortwein’s 6th grade science class 26 years ago! All of this to say that we’ve had our share of both good times and trying times. If we made a list, it would be long. (Starting with his annoying habit of…ah, there are too many to pick just one.)
Our marriage is successful because it is not about the THINGS that happen, but about how we REACT to those things. No matter what happens, we have chosen to react through love. That doesn’t mean we don’t argue or hurt each other unintentionally. We do. It means that, in the end, we’re still going to be holding on to each other bound together by love. This is also how we are trying to raise our twin 4-year-old daughters.
Of course, we didn’t come to this idea all on our own. God laid out His expectations for faithful living. Our loving parents showed us the way by modeling good behavior and raising us with and around love (and a little patience, no doubt.) In the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Galatians, he writes about exactly how we should live our lives. I think that his point can be summed up in one word: love.
In Galatians 5:22-23, Paul writes, “…the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” He says to live by the Spirit, not by human desires. To me, this means to live life by loving and being good to all other people. The end. No exceptions. If we live in this way, we please God. If we let our human desires (idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing…) lead the way, we don’t."
Like I said, there is no secret to having a blissful, lifelong marriage or to a having a happy family. God gave to us all the recipe for love to follow. Nobody’s perfect. To fall in love is easy, but loving completely is not. Faithfully and completely loving someone, no matter what happens, is a process that takes a lifelong commitment. But, the effort is worth it. According to Paul, “…the only thing that counts is faith working through love.” Galantians 5:6
Andrea Sagley
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