Body Talk:part II

Body Talk: Part II

Last week’s post on our bodies hit a cord. I was hoping it would and I was also hoping it wouldn’t. You see, there are large parts of my story and who I have been and become that revolve around my feelings towards my body. 
I know my story, some of you reading this know my story, some of you share the same story, and some of you are living the story as I write.

That story being that I have dealt with two bouts of what is deemed an “eating disorder”.  Once in college and once in my mid 20’s. I went through counseling both times and here is what I know. The reasons I choose to eat, not eat, purge or binge are with me every day.  I can’t escape them. I live with making good choices or bad choices about food and my body always.

When I was walking through this part of my story in college, I was in the midst a ridiculous amount of self created stress. Life felt beyond my control. I wasn’t meeting expectations for myself and I was over programmed. My college friends can tell you I carried around a clipboard that had every 15 minutes of my days scheduled. I buried myself in my sorority basement so I could study. I was only social if I had to be because I felt completely out of place in the college scene.

I HAD to make a visit to the college counseling center for an actual assignment. It was during that time I was supposed to be interviewing the college counselor that I was asked by her if I had ever made myself throw up. I was shocked. Who was she to ask me such a question? I was Carey Clemons (at the time) and I was perfectly perfect in every way. Or at least I wanted the world to think that. I had a choice in that moment. I could lie or tell the truth.  I chose to lie.

I was ashamed.

While I couldn’t tell her that little Miss Perfect was eating entire 5 pound bags of M&Ms and then purging them; what I could tell her was that I was overwhelmed. The tears began to pour out of me. She asked me to schedule a real appointment with her and we began to meet regularly. She helped me find balance.  What I learned about myself is that when life felt out of control, I grabbed ahold of the one thing I could control and that was food. While I never came clean about what was really going on in my relationship with food, healing began to come.

Years later, I was given an opportunity to speak on a state level church event for young girls. As I began to write my sermon for that event, I knew God was telling me it was time.

“It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.” Ephesians 5:12-13

I was done. I was done living in secret. It was time to use this story as a light. And because God always knows best the story I told of shame, perfection, worry, doubt and more hit home. Girls began the process of being set free that night.

I am thankful for my story. Do you have a story that needs to shine?

Part III next Tuesday. 

you can check out the whole Body Talk series here.