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| Ginger Ciminello |
“Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. ‘Honor your father and mother.’ This is the first commandment with a promise: If you honor your father and mother, ‘things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” Ephesians 6:1-4, NLT
In my decade of experience working with teens I have seen every parenting style you can imagine. Regardless of how a family chooses to feed, educate, celebrate, socialize, or entertain their children, the factor with the greatest influence was definitely godly discipline.
Proverbs 13:24 reminds us that “A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.”
I probably haven’t said anything revolutionary at this point, but that isn’t my purpose in writing today. Carey has graciously asked if I would lend a voice from an outside perspective. I’m not a mom, but I’ve spent the past ten years working in student ministries of all ages.
This isn’t an all-inclusive list, but I believe that you can empower your children and teens to obey when you serve them in a few key areas.
· * Set clear boundaries. Children need to know what is expected of them and know you mean it. This doesn’t mean your kids and teens won’t test boundaries, of course they will. But this is an area you don’t want to choose to implement when they turn sixteen. Start now and remain consistent. *Recognize that each child is different and that you just might have to set boundaries to fit different needs. Your home doesn’t need to be judged by your children as fair in order for you to be a good parent.
· * Be quick to apologize and ask for forgiveness when you are in the wrong. Even if your desire was to discipline, if you acted out of anger or spoke harshly, take the time to ask for forgiveness. Your kids will respect you far more when they know you respect them. Your mission is to live (first!) and teach (second) a life that is glorifying to God.
· * Praise obedience! It takes seven compliments to undo the effects of one criticism. Peter was called “The Rock on which I will build my church” by Jesus when there was nothing remarkable in him for anyone else to see. Jesus spoke life into Peter’s God-given potential. You have that same power in your words! Use them wisely.
· *Speak well of your children. I can’t tell you the hurt I see in the eyes of a teen when I watch a mom or dad belittle their child in front of others. I remember one mom in particular who was desperate to curb some of her daughter’s behavior. She walked up to me with her daughter in tow and lamented the situation in public view and with a very loud voice. I understood her desire for help, but she did far more damage by listing her daughter’s flaws to me than my wisdom could ever heal.
· * Don’t avoid the tough conversations. I can’t tell you how many texts I get from teens and think, “Really? Your parents have never told you… x, y, z?” If they aren’t getting answers from you they WILL get them from somewhere else.
· * Pick your battles. My parents battled my brother over the length of his hair for years. My mom eventually decided it was better to have a pleasant house than military precision in that department.
· * Pray for them and with them! Let your children hear you praying for them, not just that they “would be more obedient” – but that they would “know their purpose, have courage, find expression for their gifts” – use prayer as a time to praise the Father for them!
· *Be the parent. It’s a place of authority given to you by God. Feel the weight of it and then lead from there. Your child has plenty of friends. They only get one you.
I don’t have children of my own. But I have interacted with enough tweens and teens to know that the foundation you build with your children NOW will be critical in the years to come. When your child chooses disobedience, use that as a doorway to speak into their life through consistent discipline and affirming love.
Talk to your children. Love your children.
They so desperately need you to show them the love of our Father.
“Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” Ephesians 1:4, The Message
Following,
Ginger
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