Content. Why can't I have you?

Content.

I hear you ringing in my ear. It is like the sound of an awful alarm clock.

Content. 

The very mention of you annoys my senses. Like a friend that has done me wrong. 

Content.

Why can’t I simply be you?

My head gets it. My heart can’t accept it.

My God says: “You better figure it out. I am waiting for you to figure it out”

My response: "I want to. I promise, I do."

I am to the point of desperate!

But all I can hear is “What’s next?”

Content.

I want to know you. Snuggle up with you.

I imagine you are like a good book I would enjoy in the midst of a roaring fire.

Content.

Could you just overtake me? Wash over me. Be waves that roar and scare me.

Content.

Could you please just bring me peace?

I search for you. Are you in my journal? Are you in my prayers? Are you in my conversations? I can’t find you.

Am I just supposed to fake you?

Content.

Please, please, please Content rest in me and I will surely rest in you?

“I can do nothing on my own. As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just, because I seek not my own will but the will of him who sent me” John 5:30

*I mentioned my struggle with contentment in the 31 days series. I think there is a fine balance in making sure we are using the gifts and skills God has given us and taking a time out to be thankful for what He has already provided. I struggle with not wanting to get "stuck" resting. Will you pray for me?