Oh. To be loved by You.

(real) LOVE

As a young girl, I desperately sought out the love, affection and affirmation of others.  Many called that sad, some called it sweet, while others would refer to it as just plain silly.

Growing from a young girl into a naïve teen, that need of love and attention drifted dangerously towards boys.

Somehow I matched affection, affirmation…. love… with the attention I received from them.  I was desperate for it - needy for it.  I felt that if I didn’t have the attention of a boy, I wasn’t beautiful.  I had an inner longing in my heart for love and a deep need for someone to desire me.  I fabricated a truth that I had always trusted and assured myself that it wasn’t God’s love I needed, but man’s.  But no matter what, these boys didn’t really love me, I even gave up my most precious gift, but that just led to more pain and intensified agony.

Why was the attention of a boy not feeding my soul?

“I want to be the one you desire.”

Why was I always left feeling completely lonely?

“I’m all you need and I am right here.”

Why didn’t anyone love me?

“I love you.”

See, in the same way that I longed for love and had a deep desire for someone to love me, God was craving my love.  The reason I couldn’t fill that void, the reason that no matter what I did that feeling of being “wanted” only increased, was because I was looking to earthly beings to fill my heart.  All along, God was right there with open arms, ready to pour out a love so pure, so deep, so intimate, so fulfilling.  He was already in love with me,

He was just waiting for me to fall in love with him.

I fell in love with God.