God, I failed you...again!

God,

The view in the mirror right now grosses me out. Seriously. Over the last several weeks I have allowed things to get out of whack. Unbalanced.

I am listening.

Balance. That word just seems to haunt me. I desire it in every fiber of my being but I can't seem to manage it. Instead I let being unbalanced manage me. I hear the word and I cringe knowing how far away a balanced life feels right now. Everything I know You desire for me to be to You, my husband, my kids, my workplace, my calling is teetering on this edge and soon something will fall off. Crash. Break. I can hear it coming.

 How did you get here?

Always the question, right? How did I get here? I act like certain things are priority over others. I make the to-do's that you don't exactly find value in a MUST do. Who am I kidding? I have been here enough times to know better and to know it is all about the choices I make.

So would you say you have made bad choice lately?

Well I wouldn't have called them bad choice in the moment but looking back now, yes! Yes. I have made some poor choices. 

Let's define them so they are out in the open.

Ug. You want them on paper for me to actually see?

Yes.

Okay. I have chosen food to medicate stress. I have chosen TV to drown out my thoughts. I have chosen to-do's around the house rather than playing on the floor with my kids, I have chosen work over calling, I have chosen unplanning rather than planning. I have chosen sleep over exercise. I have chosen buying over saving. I have chosen THE dream rather than The Dream Maker.

 Okay. There they are. Time to start over. Try again. 

Really? Again? You are giving me another chance? I do this to you all.the.time. Why? Why in the world would you give me another chance?

Because I love you dearly. You are precious to me. There is nothing more that I want for you than to see THE dream I have crafted and created for you realized. To see that potential inside of you shared. To see the mother in you nurture. To see the wife in you encourage and see the calling in you realized. Sooo... you got off track. It taught you something, right?

Of course. It always does.

Then no harm done. Take the lessons learned. Apply it to today and start over. Start over.

"They'll rebuild the old ruins, raise a new city out of the wreckage. They'll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new." Isaiah 61:4