I would never describe myself as a patient person, however, when faced with two little boys and their daily shenanigans I am definitely learning to be. It is almost like God intended for my boys along with their exact personalities and temperament, were created to teach me such a valuable lesson. I remember from the very beginning with my youngest son, when his little body was still being formed inside mine, there were days when I just knew this little person had a mind of his own and it will most likely challenge everything about this world, including me. He was awake when he was supposed to be asleep, moved all the time, was dissatisfied with most foods I ate, and took his time to enter this world. After all, he was nine days late!! For every mommy who knows the feeling during the last months of pregnancy it is nothing short of sheer torture! I had no idea what God had in store for this little person and myself. This little man has taught me so much about being patient. There is one particular experience that has impacted me so greatly and truly changed how I interact with my boys. I learned how critically important my response was to situations as well as both my verbal and non-verbal communication. It was a rough morning involving over-tired and cranky kids. It was full of the ‘I can’t find the toothbrush’, the ‘I don’t want that for breakfast’, along with the typical looking for the backpack scenario. My son decided he was going to dress himself for school. Although this was a giant leap for his independence I was not completely excited about it. In my mind I was saying “listen, I have been in the fashion industry for the last 15 years and I am fully capable of selecting your outfits for you!” He had other plans. He chose a nice pair of blue-green plaid shorts and added a crazy rust orange striped shirt. We are already rushing around, whining about breakfast and now this! Clearly, this is a ridiculously crazy outfit that doesn’t even match.
Needless to say, I did not respond calmly and it wasn’t good. I remember saying something about how he needed to dress more appropriately and that he should never mix a pattern and a pattern, let alone warm and cool colors in the same outfit. (I know, totally crazy – I am a little crazy and I am laughing at myself for being so obnoxious). His response to me was absolutely priceless, “MOM!! – I am YOUR kid and I don’t know all the fashions! I don’t know all the things you know and that’s why I need you to tell me!! But you can’t have an upset face. I am YOUR kid MOM”. It was in that moment that God spoke directly to me. “This is your kid, what are you doing? How can you speak to him that way over an outfit?” I was immediately disappointed in myself and needed to make it right. I knelt down, grabbed his hands, looked him in the eyes and said – “I’m so very sorry, mommy responded badly and I need you to forgive me.”
Jesus taught me so much in that experience and I reflect back so often when I find myself losing my cool. The ability to remain calm during stressful times or overcome inconvenience without complaint is a quality many mothers have before baby. For me it has been a gradual progression after childbirth. There are days when I get it right and I can remain calm during most any random event whether it be the overflowing toilet because we tried to flush a matchbox car, or thinking my boys are sleeping only to find them at 12 a.m. in the guest room unwrapping every single Christmas tree ornament and “making sure they are ok for Christmas”. Maybe it is the many times seeing that the boys have consumed all of the fruit in the fridge that I just brought home from the grocery store. I have learned not to respond so harshly. When those little eyes look into mine it is as if God is coaching me on how to respond. I can imagine how Jesus sees me, even after all the silly, thoughtless things I do. He’s always there. He’s always the same, quiet, calm, sweet Jesus. He never changes. I’ve learned, that I must model the same patient, calm, unchanging behavior, even during the most stressful situations, especially with my boys. It is never easy, but that is my goal.
I knew during the first few weeks of my boy’s lives that this was such a special gift. The gift of being someone’s mommy. I also felt a tremendous amount of pressure to get it “just right”. There were so many days that I needed Jesus to help me just get through the day. During those times, feeling desperately alone, God so graciously reminding me of my role and how important it is to enjoy these special moments. Even the bad, ugly mommy moments that make you feel like a failure can teach you so much. I have learned the importance of being patient and make a conscious effort to be a good example for my boys. I am truly blessed and know God intended these two little people just for me! I pray that I can be the mommy they so deserve!
Praying for Patience,
Sarah Watson
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