I Yelled. He Remembers.

Who could get impatience
with these two little angels?

Dear Patience, 

When I started dating the man who was going to become my husband I knew I had a challenge in front of me. Simply from watching him drive in Phoenix traffic I knew he would need me to pray for patience.

So I prayed and I still pray. Never was patience something I needed prayer for or so I thought. And then came children!

If I can shoot straight with you I have found my lack for patience the ugliest trait about myself since becoming a mom. Forget a tummy that won’t recover from a c-section my impatience is worse.

Here is the deal… I don’t find myself with lack of patience when it comes to big things. A blatant disregard for rules is easily corrected with time out. It is the little things that get me. The constant “Why?”, or the whining, or the refusal to eat, or (the list can keep going). I find myself irritated to the point that I say things I don’t mean to say to my children. And what makes it worse is I now realize they remember.

Monday morning Renn got up super early and came and crawled in bed with me. He snuggled in till his sister woke up and I brought her into bed. We were having a perfectly pleasant early morning play session in my room and then Renn said “Mommy, do you remember when I threw this ball at the window and you yelled at me?”

GULP!?

I can honestly say I don’t remember what he is referring to and “yelling” is not a norm in my list of activities but the point is that is how he remembers the story.  

UG! I hate it.

I do firmly believe that children need correction so don’t hear me saying the opposite of that. What I am talking about is changing is my own reaction to my children when I am simply acting out of frustration.  

Since I have been consciously working on this here is what has helped me:

1. Deep Breath.

I know it is a cliché tip and it sounds like a “The More You Know” ad but it really does work. If I find myself irritated I simply make myself start intentionally taking deep breaths. It keeps me from talking.

2. Ask for Forgiveness.

If I fail at #1 then I have found #2 critical. I am hoping I am not alone in the fact that I have verbally snapped at my kids. It is rude and wrong. They are simply being kids. I am the adult and I need to act like one. And this means if I respond to my 3 year olds sons 30^TH “Why?” in 2 minutes with a snippy “I don’t know” and it hurts his feeling I must say I am sorry. Not only is it right it models the act of seeking forgiveness.

3. Change Your Surroundings

Without fail I find that if I quickly change our surroundings in the moment of impatience I can improve our quality of life. It may mean turning on fun music, pulling out bubbles, loading up in the car and heading to Target, or taking self portraits with the camera phone. Your list of “quick changes” may look different. Just be certain you know what it is.

4. Remember What is Being Given

God is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo patient with us. His patience never ends. Seek Him.

“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD;
   keep watch over the door of my lips.”

Psalm 141:3